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i remember being a child. this long-haired, twiggy thing with delicious dreams of becoming a movie starlet or a princess. of course, you're not entirely logical when you are that young. your head is in the clouds and the future is a million miles away. i think when the clouds begin to clear and you start to see the future there in the sky, you begin to grow up. life begins to sink in. you realise you are not beautiful or elegant enough to become a princess, and your eyes don't sparkle enough to be a movie star. try again.

even though my clouds cleared away sooner than anyone else i knew my age, i was still breathing them. only suddenly i knew who i was, or moreso, who i wanted to be. i was fourteen and i wrote in my diary "i am nirrimi and because of that, i'm going to live. really live." and for me that meant throwing myself headfirst into photography and life. i didn't attend school much, i spent days planning, learning to retouch and taking pictures. my studies suffered and my passion bloomed. it was "illogical and thoughtless" but i thought, why should i listen to a miserable, high school teacher about how to live my life?

my grandparents lived by the alice river, on an enormous property with fruit trees and a treehouse by the water where you could watch cows gather at sunset. i remember sitting in the treehouse with a blank book, filling it with ideas for pictures. the passion welled up in me and i saw the world through picture-finding eyes. i miss the excitement now, which only greets me sometimes in memory. i discovered that came with my growing up, it became harder to feel.

there is resentment and jealousy from others at times, as though people think i am undeserving of the attention i've gotten or the talent i've developed. as though it is all luck and really, they deserve it much more. but i have worked and i have obsessed. i've left my mind inside my camera and forgotten to use my head, pushing away friends and family and being regretfully selfish. i've forced myself to grow up rather quickly. and now things are beginning to happen for me. things i only ever imagined. not just with photography, but also with my life and lover (but that's a story for another day).

i've learnt that to make dreams come true, you have to be obsessed. truly, utterly obsessed. i think of obsession as passion squared, and if you have passion for something people will see that. if you go through an entire day without doing something towards your dream, you're not obsessed enough to make it happen.

sure, some people get lucky, but we're not going to wait around to see if that's us. we need to make things happen for ourselves, because we are the only ones in control of our lives. with enough obsession and work any dream can come true for you. you will be disappointed, sleepless and somedays you will want to give up. but you will be happy, because you are living.

i can't wait to let my children dream the way my parents let me. teach them that as long as they have the love and motivation to work towards their wildest fantasies, they will happen.

never give up on all your loves and dreams, let them out to be loud!…;< please comment here! :)
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radiatingsun96 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2015
great, just don't force yourself to be obssessed xD I feel like you are trying to evade a feeling state of somehow you are not enough the way you are. If good things happen to you, it's because you feel like you deserve it now. Maybe you should change ideas or diversify your skillset for a while, helps you refind excitement :D!
Emowolf145 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2015  Student General Artist
Well said :)
QNeko-dono Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
I totally agree with you . :D
Never give up !! ^^
AirelavArt Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
....beautiful words and things. thanks for share your precious personal things with all. Really.
I really thank you for inspire me a lot also this : [link]

Best regards..
Valeria :heart:
SavageInsight Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
This is the first journal I've added to my favorites since DA started when I was little. This is the first voice I like to genuinely listen to, and today, the first time I've added someone's journals to my watch list.

Enviable Nirrimi, but why the H**** bother. Any time, usually age 9, 15, or so, you've become too old - so why waste time at all. I'm so old, I look, sound and seem 20 (which is pretty old rly. You don't say "teen" anymore), but I'm starting now, because I had to wait, with my blood pulsing in predators who owned the halls I ate and slept - that your parents gave you space, maybe freedom so early, of the people who find their way, you, Angelina Jolie, Johnny D, etc. Somewhere someone said, "ok" and cared- your story, and your writing says you're doing nothing trite with it. Parents are sresponsible for giving their kids this, but actually receiving it, its a gift.
So no, no time wasted on envy or jealousy. You're doing right so far I've read.

It isn't luck.

I played music, in front of over 1600 people, without sheet music, because the air conditioning blew it off the stage, and discovered genuine awe, humility the feeling of being home, and an encore. Before then I was literally locked in silence where I grew, creating music, words, tastes or images as something sneaky, stolen, hidden, but often found out.

The truth is that if you mean it, ("Integrity" - Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman), you try, you do it in front of people or by yourself not for the attention, but because every moment you shout "I don't give a d*mn about what you _____ [want/think etc.] for me" because you just need, love, want, hate yet sear to do it, and just gotta live, get better, break limits, enjoy a little surprise at how good you just got, and break that too.

I've started older, and draw a bit less surprise, and have, maybe since I never know what each hour brings, a longer way to go than you do, but knowing that someone understand what they're going through, and isn't distant or isn't old or reposed, its good knowing, and reading.

Keep going new, recent, and far Nirrimi, I just hope you don't leave, least for a long while, unless being in reach holds you back.

I hope your winds never stagnate, I hope they never turn to oblivion or reach eternity, and I hope your heart/spirit doesn't dim a flicker.
HeadlessHat Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Student
This is beautiful, honest, and true. Thank you <3
AFbook7exists Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Wonderful story. I can relate and I'm inspired.
jrh911 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012
sophiescribbles Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
I need this reminder. I need it daily, weekly, until it takes root in my heart and blossoms from it. It is hard to describe the longing for passion, that obsession you so easily capture, as it is hindered- regretfully, tragically, stupidly -by self doubt and indecision and all of those other dream crushers. When you stumble across a piece like this, a bold declaration, all opposition seems pathetically weak. Are you really going to let yourself stand in the way of your dreams? Would you really rob yourself of the chance to become truly the most passionate, alive person you can be?
Thank you for writing this. Perhaps they were words you simply needed to get out, but they are also words I needed to hear.
Latitudezero Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011
nicely put! I used to have that drive and obsession, but I've set alot of my art and such off to the side in favor of 'real world concerns'. But I can't completely stop doing what I do because it's apart of me.
blue-ramen Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You nailed it. Your words just nailed it. To fulfill a dream is to be obsessed.

I haven't really found my dream yet, but when I do, I'd definitely take your advice. Thanks a lot for sharing. :)
chesneyanne Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011
you're so inspirational. you never fail me. if i ever need inspiration, i go to you and this post has helped me more than you'll ever know. thankyou, so so much. i owe you so much.
Honeyflower3 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
"Passion squared"

I love that, I love this text, and therefore...I love you! Thank you, dear.
Viroquet Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2011  Hobbyist
I love that phrase "delicious dreams."
randomheadartist Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011
Wow -- you have so much going on for you right now.
I will say that while I am exceedingly envious of you and your talent (and at such a young age!), I am also inspired by your words.
Obsessiveness. I believe it. And I will try it more than ever now.
Keep doing what you love and taking beautiful photographs, you are spectacular!
Sophminx Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2011  Professional Photographer
can't tell you how much i agree with this

Posted this as a quote on my tumblr, hope you dont mind

starlit-sky Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2011
:tears: :heart:
NotQuiteLovely Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2011
You really are an inspiration. :]
k8star Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
- i tried to leave this comment where you wanted it but it wouldnt let me??

your photos are really beauitiful - and your words write a picture :) I hope to continue along the path so that i too reap the benefits of being in love with my camera :) thanks for sharing your work - and thanks for being an inspiration to so many!! xx
MicrowaveableFoil Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2011
i might print this and read it every day. i need this kind of inspiration to get me off my behind and onto my feet. thank you!
duberdurm Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2010
You have a beautiful heart. A very inspiring message here, thank you.
praetormike Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
you voice a very powerful truth here, and along with it, mirror the lives of virtually everyone. keep rocking and being awesome *hug*
wavingflag Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010
beautiful written, but what do you do if you have no idea what you want to do in/with life? if all you do is neither brilliant or bad. and you don't even know if you want to become a doctor because you want it, or because your dad loves the idea of it. when you long ago stopped dreaming and all you can manage is to cry. it is like that for me, and it scares the hell out of me.

(ps, sorry for my bad english, i'm from sweden)
BrawlingLove Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2010
"if you go through an entire day without doing something towards your dream, you're not obsessed enough to make it happen. "

I love that you said that.

Lately I have been struggling. Finding myself in dark corners of my mind that I thought I had escaped a long time ago. I am taking too many classes for me to handle, none of which are classes I decided to take out of pure enjoyment...I have been so desperatly afraid for my future that in my panic I turned away from what I love most.

No one ever told me that I could ever succeed so I got scared and tried other things. I see now how stupid that was...Because since then I have been sliding with horrifiying speed back into an old depression. Do you ever feel like when one thing goes wrong thats when everything does? That's how it is for me. Photography for me was like a sheild from saddness....and without it, I was vunerable.

Its funny that up until recently I have been so perplexed as to why I suddenly suddenly shrunk back into my hole and then...just days after I realize where I went wrong...I find your journal and in it, the perfect words to encourage me to go after the only thing I ever really wanted.

I am obsessed enough to make it happen. I just hope now that I am brave enough to take the risk.

Thank you. :)
fizzfoam Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2010
Beautifully said, Nirrimi Joy. Beautifully said.
S2Photography Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2010  Professional Photographer
*tried to leave this on your blog as requested but uncertain of whether it stuck or not*

I love your inspiring words...
and to be honest, they couldn't come at a better time for me. Everything is so up in the air with my photography, personal life/love interest, and current career. Absolutely EVERYTHING that is of any importance to me is right at my finger tips. I have finally decided to push my current "career" on the back burner and turn the heat down, my photography is up front and almost at a simmer...I need to turn the heat up!

I completely agree with what you are saying about if you don't do at least one thing a day towards your dreams then you aren't obsessed enough. I tell myself and others I see letting things pass them by everyday, that even baby steps, one tiny thing is even better than nothing and will all add up to a bigger picture. Even though I don't have my camera at the moment as it is unfortunately in the shop, I plan shoots and email people, finding models to line up for the next 5 shoots. It's somewhat puzzling though and I am having troubles trying to figure out what it is that i am suppose to take from this, but as soon as my camera broke, I had models I hadn't even met before, emailing me and getting in contact with me in some way or another. It's frustrating at times that I get so inspired to shoot by this flood of people and yet for now due to situation...all I can ask is that they be patient.

I am sure you know how that feels to be inspired and somewhat helpless just as much as I do...maybe even more so, who knows right? But the only thing to do is push through and never quit.

I have now just realized that I have gone on a rant on a complete strangers blog and....
...well usually I would be a little embarrassed and for some reason I don't care, haha. Maybe it's some sort of progress to stop hiding and to quit be scared of what I can make of myself if I would only let myself.

Well I hope you are happy now that your Journal Entry on DeviantArt has inspired this random rant. I look forward to reading more and seeing more from you in the near future as I feel that I can learn from you and hopefully somehow I can return the favor. ;)

Thank again...
we will exchange words again...sooner than later I hope.

Stu Kerr
mere-ambivalence Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2010  Professional Photographer
beautiful. today let us live!

i agree with you on so many points, but i'm afraid that obsession alone is not enough. i think you also must have a sort of personality that does not fear failure and people around you to photograph. i long with all my being to photograph people, but i don't have friends to photograph, let alone in dreamy couture or modelesque faces. i am too shy to approach others. perhaps this shall one day pass.
josephill Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010
i liked reading your journal entry- it struck a cord with me

interesting how everything has its counter-balance

it has something to do with sacrifice i think - what someone believes in enough drives them to work on it, and what they won't work on in lieu of it / (choices)

what a person truly wants shows clearly in the person's life, but it's constantly being modified too

anyway it was kind of comforting to read - seeing that obsession sometimes ends NOT in tragedy
aalyj Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
You make me smile. I never thought there would be someone on dA that I would admire so much!
XenoPhotography Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
fifteen-hearts Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2010   Writer
everything you do is absolutely beautiful. i love your outlook on life, your creativity, and your determination to achieve your dreams. i read this entry a few weeks back, and i turn to it everytime i am running low on inspiration. (: :heart:
OHrealite Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2010
you give me inspiration for something i don't have!
i wish i had something to work for but all i have is art.. that obviously gets you no where.
but it is so beautiful that your write like this!
Amber-jade16 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2010  Professional Photographer
I could read this over and over again, its so poetically written and beautiful. Thank you for sharing and being a beacon of inspiration to the rest of us on a similar quest as you teaching ourselves to find art and make art from all that lies around us
t-R-i-S-h Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
those words-I could read them forever again :love:
FulyAA Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2010  Student Photographer
Dear NiRRimi,

I am very happy to read about you and your approach to life.

I am sure you have success and keep walking with obsession on your way.

have good luck...beatiful life full of magic


babylipit Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2010
Thanks for the post. I cried
apple0hs Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
this is a great post! very well said
SachaKalis Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2010
You are very special, Nirrimi :heart:
butterfly-catcher Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2010
it's kind of scary how relevent this is to my life right now... I absolutely adore your writings, you can tell they come straight from your heart and it's obviously a beautiful and creative place. don't ever stop <3
irathray Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Absolutely beautiful. :aww: Your writing is very inspirational. It made me think harder about where I want to go in life and how I aim to get there. You're a fantastic writer. Thanks for setting me on "the path" again. :love:
PinkSlushiie Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2010
that was extremely inspirational, it makes me think about life in a different way, thankyou for that :)
loveMadds Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
I don't know you and you obviously do not know me but in a very strange way I understand everything you say. My passion is not photography like yours but it is writing and I have read your words and felt everything in them. I am 17 too and writing to find myself in my writing and publish books for the world to see. I have given my words to many writers or journalists to see what they say and after awhile, I start to lose hope of finding myself in words and to publish my stories. I start to think of how hard everything will be but something in me can't stop the words and stories flushing out of me. My passion is as deep as yours and I hope I can be successful as you are one day. You inspire me, you inspire me in your words, in your frames of life, and in your humanity. You inspire me to write stories about people like you and I hope one day, you'll find one of my stories and pick it up and see yourself in it. Thank you for living and making me live too.

IndigoSkyes Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I want to be you when I grow up.
xXBulmaXx Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
I know I have never met you, but I love you. For writing this, and for being you. You are inspiration walking. :heart:
absynthememoir Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
You are a lesson of moral strength and, as you said, of obsessive passion. And yes, you are right: most things in life are the hardest to get but in the end , when we finally get what we wanted, that something is special mainly because it keeps wrapped up in it all your hard work with stains of sweat, burning cheeks and clenched hurting fingers.
Congrats for being so young but with such a mature mind. Kisses!:kiss:
Loorey Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
It reminds me of how much i suck at the things i love to do, and times, when i think that the best option is just to give up. but then i think that if you give it up, you were never meant for this, and you never were an artist in the first place. life's too short to give up on the things you love.
kaylannx Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010
Stories and words and pretty as this always remind me to keep pushing forward, remind me to be inspired and remind me to obsess with my passions, even when it's difficult. Thank you.
IceMoon-Wraith Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010  Student Writer
i wish we could favourite journals. You are an amazing person. And I miss the days there were no limits, too
havefaith3x Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I wish you could favorite journals.

Zaratops Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2010  Professional Photographer
this comforts me, especially since i've been the same growing up, only for a while i was dreaming of being a ballet dancer. but always in the background there has been the love for photography, and anything artsy. i love to write, and i want that and my photography to bloom and get me someplace in the world, anywhere, more than anything. i can't go one day without trying to learn or experiment or create. and when i do, i feel broken and pointless. it is the life of being an artist, i suppose. and i don't think artists should sit in schools where their creativity and minds are stifled. they need to go out and try everything.
sorry for the long comment, but i'm glad i'm not the only one feeling this way. :heart:
keep up the amazing work, beautiful.
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