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Submitted on
March 1, 2010


112,973 (30 today)
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i remember being a child. this long-haired, twiggy thing with delicious dreams of becoming a movie starlet or a princess. of course, you're not entirely logical when you are that young. your head is in the clouds and the future is a million miles away. i think when the clouds begin to clear and you start to see the future there in the sky, you begin to grow up. life begins to sink in. you realise you are not beautiful or elegant enough to become a princess, and your eyes don't sparkle enough to be a movie star. try again.

even though my clouds cleared away sooner than anyone else i knew my age, i was still breathing them. only suddenly i knew who i was, or moreso, who i wanted to be. i was fourteen and i wrote in my diary "i am nirrimi and because of that, i'm going to live. really live." and for me that meant throwing myself headfirst into photography and life. i didn't attend school much, i spent days planning, learning to retouch and taking pictures. my studies suffered and my passion bloomed. it was "illogical and thoughtless" but i thought, why should i listen to a miserable, high school teacher about how to live my life?

my grandparents lived by the alice river, on an enormous property with fruit trees and a treehouse by the water where you could watch cows gather at sunset. i remember sitting in the treehouse with a blank book, filling it with ideas for pictures. the passion welled up in me and i saw the world through picture-finding eyes. i miss the excitement now, which only greets me sometimes in memory. i discovered that came with my growing up, it became harder to feel.

there is resentment and jealousy from others at times, as though people think i am undeserving of the attention i've gotten or the talent i've developed. as though it is all luck and really, they deserve it much more. but i have worked and i have obsessed. i've left my mind inside my camera and forgotten to use my head, pushing away friends and family and being regretfully selfish. i've forced myself to grow up rather quickly. and now things are beginning to happen for me. things i only ever imagined. not just with photography, but also with my life and lover (but that's a story for another day).

i've learnt that to make dreams come true, you have to be obsessed. truly, utterly obsessed. i think of obsession as passion squared, and if you have passion for something people will see that. if you go through an entire day without doing something towards your dream, you're not obsessed enough to make it happen.

sure, some people get lucky, but we're not going to wait around to see if that's us. we need to make things happen for ourselves, because we are the only ones in control of our lives. with enough obsession and work any dream can come true for you. you will be disappointed, sleepless and somedays you will want to give up. but you will be happy, because you are living.

i can't wait to let my children dream the way my parents let me. teach them that as long as they have the love and motivation to work towards their wildest fantasies, they will happen.

never give up on all your loves and dreams, let them out to be loud!…;< please comment here! :)
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QNeko-dono Featured By Owner May 12, 2014
I totally agree with you . :D
Never give up !! ^^
AirelavArt Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
....beautiful words and things. thanks for share your precious personal things with all. Really.
I really thank you for inspire me a lot also this : [link]

Best regards..
Valeria :heart:
SavageInsight Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
This is the first journal I've added to my favorites since DA started when I was little. This is the first voice I like to genuinely listen to, and today, the first time I've added someone's journals to my watch list.

Enviable Nirrimi, but why the H**** bother. Any time, usually age 9, 15, or so, you've become too old - so why waste time at all. I'm so old, I look, sound and seem 20 (which is pretty old rly. You don't say "teen" anymore), but I'm starting now, because I had to wait, with my blood pulsing in predators who owned the halls I ate and slept - that your parents gave you space, maybe freedom so early, of the people who find their way, you, Angelina Jolie, Johnny D, etc. Somewhere someone said, "ok" and cared- your story, and your writing says you're doing nothing trite with it. Parents are sresponsible for giving their kids this, but actually receiving it, its a gift.
So no, no time wasted on envy or jealousy. You're doing right so far I've read.

It isn't luck.

I played music, in front of over 1600 people, without sheet music, because the air conditioning blew it off the stage, and discovered genuine awe, humility the feeling of being home, and an encore. Before then I was literally locked in silence where I grew, creating music, words, tastes or images as something sneaky, stolen, hidden, but often found out.

The truth is that if you mean it, ("Integrity" - Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman), you try, you do it in front of people or by yourself not for the attention, but because every moment you shout "I don't give a d*mn about what you _____ [want/think etc.] for me" because you just need, love, want, hate yet sear to do it, and just gotta live, get better, break limits, enjoy a little surprise at how good you just got, and break that too.

I've started older, and draw a bit less surprise, and have, maybe since I never know what each hour brings, a longer way to go than you do, but knowing that someone understand what they're going through, and isn't distant or isn't old or reposed, its good knowing, and reading.

Keep going new, recent, and far Nirrimi, I just hope you don't leave, least for a long while, unless being in reach holds you back.

I hope your winds never stagnate, I hope they never turn to oblivion or reach eternity, and I hope your heart/spirit doesn't dim a flicker.
HeadlessHat Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Student
This is beautiful, honest, and true. Thank you <3
AFbook7exists Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Wonderful story. I can relate and I'm inspired.
jrh911 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012
sophiescribbles Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
I need this reminder. I need it daily, weekly, until it takes root in my heart and blossoms from it. It is hard to describe the longing for passion, that obsession you so easily capture, as it is hindered- regretfully, tragically, stupidly -by self doubt and indecision and all of those other dream crushers. When you stumble across a piece like this, a bold declaration, all opposition seems pathetically weak. Are you really going to let yourself stand in the way of your dreams? Would you really rob yourself of the chance to become truly the most passionate, alive person you can be?
Thank you for writing this. Perhaps they were words you simply needed to get out, but they are also words I needed to hear.
Latitudezero Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011
nicely put! I used to have that drive and obsession, but I've set alot of my art and such off to the side in favor of 'real world concerns'. But I can't completely stop doing what I do because it's apart of me.
blue-ramen Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You nailed it. Your words just nailed it. To fulfill a dream is to be obsessed.

I haven't really found my dream yet, but when I do, I'd definitely take your advice. Thanks a lot for sharing. :)
chesneyanne Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2011
you're so inspirational. you never fail me. if i ever need inspiration, i go to you and this post has helped me more than you'll ever know. thankyou, so so much. i owe you so much.
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