i'm sorry for all the quiet! see, i go through periods of quietness and loudness. sometimes i want to be nothing. i'm a child and all the attention is overwhelming to me. instead of breathing i just close my eyes and pretend it doesn't exist. but it doesn't go away and i feel guilty, like a lover that keeps coming back to me after i ignore him and treat him like he isn't real, and i know i don't deserve it.
but i don't want to be a hermit right now.
i have a lot of new work. not as much as much as i'd like. but a lot you're yet to see. most of it is for magazine editorial, so i'm not allowed to show. which is horrible (until it comes out). but i have to pay rent.
i won soya. it was crazy. i was sitting there at the awards night, so many important people sitting all around me, she began to open the envelope and i was saying under my breath 'not nirrimi, not nirrimi, it can't be me'. i was trying not to get my hopes up but my heart was beating a million miles a second. then it was me and i can't really remember much. i was in shock.
i spent the prize money on a new camera and a macbook, it's going to change my work for the better. and next year i am going to new york and hopefully russia. i want to shoot a film there. oh yeah, i'm getting into film. did i tell you?
i started a blog last night, a blog i am really going to start using. it hasn't any entries yet but my first entry will be new work. please follow and bookmark. i promise to fill it up with inspiration for you!
i hope you're all well, don't hate me too much