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:deviation:
 


Love wasn’t in the air the night you unbuttoned my shirt and kissed my skin. No, love definitely wasn’t in the air the night we spent in heat of moments, sweating and tumbling and fumbling on your father’s bed.

It was anywhere but there. Does love go on vacation? I ponder and make fleshy butterflies from my outstretched fingers. Probably.

I can’t remember much but I can remember the beginning. The burn of acid bleeding and gushing past my tongue and down my throat. The noises and then your silence. The clumsiness and then the awkward kisses.

You had a garden of dark hair growing from your scalp and dirt eyes. You had a protruding belly button and clown feet. You smelt like my grandfather in his coffin.

You didn’t ask me if you could take my virginity. You just assumed I wouldn’t mind giving it to you. I always wonder where you put it, if you take good care of it and how it is doing. I imagine you put it in a shiny jar with a sticky label reading ‘Loretta’s Virginity’, although I could be wrong- you always seemed like a box sort of person. I imagine you keep it next to your bed and show visitors when they visit. “And this is Loretta’s Virginity.” You’d tell them, sticking your gaunt chest out proudly. They’d applaud you.

I’ve never made love you know. Never. I checked afterwards but love was still missing. I don’t think we did it right.

I saw you once more. You were pushing a trolley and the muscles in your arms were thick bands around your bones, they must keep him together, I thought. You didn’t see me, blue wide-eyed from the edge of the corner, but I noted everything about you and wrote it in my diary that night, filling in gaps.

I note everything. I noted everything I could remember about you from that night and all I could come up with was: He had vodka breath, dark tangles of hair and a bumpy stomach. His name starts with a K and he is covered in miles of brown skin, like dirt and like soil, and he took me away. He laughed in my ear and it was potent, but I was numb all over and he was holding me from falling into my knees. I didn’t say yes, he didn’t ask, he didn’t say anything, maybe he was a mute. But his breath was too loud for a mute. He took my skin in his teeth and my jeans at my toes and the rest is a blur of hue and maybe vomit.

Why didn’t you say goodbye? Sometimes I think about you, I hold my ribs together to try and stop my heart from beating too fast and I hold my breath in my palms. Lights outside draw shadows on my roof, silhouettes of you, you, you and I want that warmth back.

It’s an ache and it’s a wonderful ache but it’s a terrible ache. I dream of planting seeds beneath your flesh and having exotic flowers erupt from the soil in a heap of soft petals and green leaves. I pick them all and hand them to you in colourful bunches of lovely. Birds dance around your empty face and I clutch the corners of my dress and ask “May I have my virginity back now?”

You never answer me.
©2008-2009 =Pretty-As-A-Picture
:iconpretty-as-a-picture:

Author's Comments

this is just a jumble of nothings
written early morning- yes there's probably typos
i needed to write and it's about things i don't understand, but it's something.
and something is good enough for me right now.

Comments


love 9 9 joy 2 2 wow 8 8 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconxadian:
This is a truly lovely piece. It portrays a lot of feeling, the overall structure gives a sense of chaotic feelings and such.
Though, I think this is a typo?
"He took my skin in his teeth and he my jeans at my toes and the rest is a blur of hue and maybe vomit."
The part about the jeans... "and he my jeans at my toes."
>_> Maybe I'm just reading it wrong.

--
Don't click this.
Srsly.
Don't.
It's not worth the time or effort to simply hit that link.
Don't do it....
Don't do it.
I warned you.

....
[link]
:iconautumsun:
Wow. Very very good. I wish i could right like you.....

--
I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma.
:iconwolfesskiss:
wow... this is very powerful, your a very good writer..

the whole thing kind of makes me feel empty,questioning and lost.

very detailed.

--
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit, when I know there is footprints on the moon"
:iconhippo-hand:
This is beautiful..
I really don't understand how you do it.
Something like sex,
something I've never experienced,
and you make it seem so familiar.
You're making my heart ache for Loretta.
And I don't even know her.

Keep it up, beautiful.
:heart:
:iconwithbrokenteeth:
sometimes things that you don't understand are beautiful written out.

because sometimes, wonder and curiosity are childlike and pure in a way that experience never can be.

you've captured that.

--
how long can you expect love to outweigh ignorance?
:iconmissingthepoint:
It's fantastic. I wish that I had such writing prowess. You are very creative, and I love your work.
:icontechnofibre:
That's a beautiful and 'scary' text... I do hope you're not Loretta...
:iconmacaria-acacia:
It is very good. I was so caught up in it that when it ended I was stuck.

--
:couch:

98% of Deviants don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the 2% that wants to punch 'em, put this in your sig :3
:iconhavockid:
>< ouch sounds realy sad
but i think tats wad all the girls who has their virginity taken are really thinkign right now ><
i hope u r well!

love is sumthing so complex.. but i think u wee able to question it aptly is this prose

haha i want to see u put this on picture :)

--
check out ~SGdeviants if your singaporean!
tralala check out my survery for cosfest at my journal please
see u guys at cosfest!
:iconfollowthecookie:
I agree, love your writing style, indebted actually =P helped me get mine back though I don't write with much purity..its more...cynism..check out the latest piece if you wish i'm mostly unloading writing works for now ...don't have a scanner or access to one so i'm labelled ';procrastinator' -hiss-

Good one once again. Cheers ^^

--
"And I need to watch things die..from a good safe distance..vicariously I..live while the whole world dies.." -James Maynard - Tool

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July 17, 2008
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