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underwater they are mermaids. patterns of poolwater-caught sunshine dancing in soft-edged white upon their long legs (tails). red hair like ocean fire and fingers ever reaching for the bubbles, like pearls but from out their mouths. darting up between their fingers.

there are places here, beneath here, beneath the sound of their mother yelling at their father and the loud rough of the neighbour’s dog’s bark, where they can breathe. breathe the dead leaves in water whirlpools beneath their feet and breathe the chlorine, leaving eyes red and hair green at the tips. breathe the quiet of their bodies and their imagined underwater world, so colour-dipped and alive.

their eyes are closed tight and they press their heads together, on the pool steps. one holds the other’s hand and together they love a love that is shimmer on water wave’s edge, pink casing on sundown clouds and toe nails with pink polish peeling. they love and in the silence of their love (and sound of life a-fight around them) they are just one.

-

when they are both fourteen one sits by the pool with a towel wrapped close around her, but half naked beneath. drawing circles with a stick in the water. and the other lies pretty under the falling sun, smoking light cigarettes and making an ‘o’ with her lips, trying to blow smoke rings.

‘what are you thinking about, madeline?’
‘oscar.’
‘oscar won’t love you.’ she breathes disconnected circles.
‘he might.’

she traces his lips in the water with the stick and she leans down so her own lips and nose drip wet with a new found lust. the other suspires and closes her eyes against the heat. she is burning.

when the sun loses it’s warm and the sky loses it’s blue, they sit together with their toes in the water. mother calls dinner from inside but it is only a distant screech-crash sound of car collision in their heads. she stops calling.

‘you have sun cancer.’
‘no i don’t.’
‘yes, look. cancer red, and it’s everywhere. it’s spreading all across your chest and shoulders and on your nose too.’
‘it’s not so bad.’
‘yes it is. please don’t die.’
‘i won’t’
‘promise?’
‘of course.’
‘well, good. because i would kill myself if you died.’
‘me too. how would you do it?’
‘maybe in the bath. remember when i fell asleep in the bath and nearly drowned? like that, but really die this time. or i’d swallow all the pills in the medicine cabinet. how would you?’
‘i never really thought about it.’
‘maybe you should.’
‘i don’t have sun cancer.’

-

it is a school picture day and the twins are at the far back with the taller boys. madeline and maria dawes, like trapped deer with large eyes unblinking and awkward footing. madeline is not breathing. she is not because she is not sure how to breathe. oscar is holding her hand.

below her stomach is red heat and over her face is red heat and she tells herself, this isn’t skin cancer, this is love. and she is so certain she whispers into maria’s ear.

‘i love him.’
‘i don’t like him.’
‘well i do’.

and maria steps on madeline’s foot, digging with her heel. but madeline does not move, oscar is holding madeline’s hand. oscar leans over and whispers hot tickly breath words across her neck and ears. butterflies flutter-fly out her fingertips.

-

it’s getting dark and she is still face down and naked on his bedroom floor. she cannot move, there is a sleepy nothingness in her thoughts and she is not there at all.

she has to spit and when she does it is blood and cum and saliva. oscar won’t love her, oscar does not love. she coughs into her palms and lays unfeeling.

-

‘what if i told you i wanted to kill myself, but i didn’t want you to die too.’
‘quiet, please.’

maria lays on her mothers bed reading and madeline rests her head on her stomach, watching the ceiling fan.

‘i’m not kidding maria, i really will do it you know.’
‘you won’t.’
‘i will.’

when they are quiet a long while madeline shuts her eyes, half feeling the air beat down upon her face. she is vague and wispy and she does not think in sentences any more. she is thick fog. soon maria puts down her book and they lie under the covers with their faces close.

‘why do you want to kill yourself?’
‘i just do.’
‘but why?
‘i don’t know.’
‘is it because oscar doesn’t love you?’
‘no. i don’t want oscar to love me. oscar hurts me and oscar tastes like sick and i don’t want anyone to ever love me but you.’
‘what the fuck did oscar do?’
‘oscar raped me.’

maria screams into the pillow while madeline is still, she shouts curse words, punching the wooden headboard until her knuckles are red-white and then kicks her legs against the bed like a child until she is sobbing with weak. madeline is still quiet. maria wraps her arms and legs around her, kissing her hair.

‘my pretty little sister. you’ve been so quiet, why the hell didn’t you tell me this before? why now madeline? i want to kill him. jesus. i really want to fucking kill him.’
‘sorry.’
‘so how should we do this?’
‘no, only me.’
‘it’s always us. i cannot be just me, you know i can’t live like that.’
‘i can’t live.’
‘then there is nothing else.’

-

there are places, underwater, where they can breathe. and under here they float. heavy rocks tied to ankles with string. they press their fingers together and let their pearl-breath go. and with this love heavy and all-present in the water around them, they drown. they are n(one).
i haven't written in a while. inspired by my childhood best friend and by the virgin suicides.

i'm so tragic.

please if you have a few seconds free/you like my work, vote for me. :heart:

[link] <<<

i have all these dreams of what to film with the video camera i'll win. i want to be a filmmaker. that would be nice.


twitter: [link]
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:iconbr8:
br8 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2013
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Iviz Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
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:iconpandemoniumdusk:
pandemoniumdusk Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
that was very touching and depressing :cries: im a twin too so i understand the bond within your story perfectly... :nod:
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:iconor-maybe-its-love:
Or-Maybe-Its-Love Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2011
I almost cried... this is beautiful. Amazing work.
Reply
:icondreadful-star:
dreadful-star Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2011
i am speechless :heart:
this is tragic yet dreamy and beautiful .. the ugliness of man kind clashing with the beauty of friend ship- amazing
really
Reply
:iconmisssunflower:
MissSunflower Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
this's really good, within the first few lines I started thinking of the virgin suicides so I'm not surprised that is was an inspiration :) it has a similar atmosphere, very heavy.
Reply
:iconfashionablyinsane:
fashionablyinsane Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2009   Writer
I loved everything except the dialogue. I thought the dialogue was a little awkward.
Reply
:iconurii19:
urii19 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009  Hobbyist
Omg that was wonderful, Thanks for the favorite lol
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:iconxxghostly:
xXGhostly Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2009
This is fucking amazing.
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:iconmothfly:
mothfly Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
I adore it... like crazy...
:bulletblack::heart::bulletblack::heart::bulletblack::heart::bulletblack:
Reply
:iconteknicolourkiss:
teknicolourkiss Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
I wish I had something beautiful to say but I dont just know that this is beautiful.
Reply
:iconmizzmaeve:
MizzMaeve Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009
There's so much attention to detail. Gorgeously written work, with a very tragic story.

"it’s getting dark and she is still face down and naked on his bedroom floor. she cannot move, there is a sleepy nothingness in her thoughts and she is not there at all.

she has to spit and when she does it is blood and cum and saliva. oscar won’t love her, oscar does not love. she coughs into her palms and lays unfeeling."

I almost cried.
Reply
:icontheimaginaryteahouse:
TheImaginaryTeahouse Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2009
It is a complete vision. Tragic, but intensely beautiful.

Do you cry when you write your own words? I would if I wrote this.
Reply
:iconenchanting-ce-memory:
enchanting-ce-memory Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
"they are n(one)"
what a fascinating little sentence. Small, simple, yet with your story speask so much.
You are truly an amazing artist.
This made me shead tears, it's just w.o.w!
Very powerful.
Stunning work!:clap:
Reply
:iconbrightbones:
brightbones Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2009
oh, i adore this so much.
:heart:
i went out and bought the virgin suicides, because you said it inspired you.
(and it was wonderful. i'm glad i got it.)

i hope you don't mind that i wrote something inspired by your piece?
Reply
:iconmiss-frost:
miss-frost Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2009
i got choked up
seriously
i guess that just shows the effect of your writing
Reply
:iconzeviloupgarou:
ZeviLoupGarou Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2009
that was one of the most beautiful things i've ever read...
Reply
:iconrunswithbooks:
RunsWithBooks Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2009
That was haunting and incredible. It will stay with me for a long time. Rape is a horrible thing; I almost wish I had a twin there to support me so deeply. Your mermaid description was fantastic. Your vocabulary is strong.
Reply
:iconzomas-m:
ZomaS-M Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2009
Ridiculously powerful in every possible way. I'm too stunned to say anything that would actually pay this piece the respect it deserves, except that I intend to share it with people I know will feel the same way I do, because we can relate.
Reply
:iconkatmphotography:
KatMPhotography Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2009  Professional Photographer
Cinematic. Intense. Unforgettable. Clear. Stark. Emotive. Visceral.


You SHOULD be published, N...
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:iconhoneyglow:
honeyglow Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2009
this was breathtaking. thank you.
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:iconshelovesyellow:
shelovesyellow Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2009   Writer
Your writing reminds me of Francesca Lia Block. I like it :)
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:iconjenarose:
jenarose Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2009  Student Photographer
Nirrimi...god this is amazing. My favourite piece of yours ever. It's perfect.
Reply
:icondannijo0319:
Dannijo0319 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2009
This made me cry. It made me think of my cousin and I, who are only four days apart in age and we are like sisters. This just sounds like something we would do.
Reply
:iconseanfhocal:
seanfhocal Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2009
I went to vote, but I wasnt sure which one was yuors, but i read the summerys and your words made it really easy to tell
Reply
:iconhapenapopapella:
Hapenapopapella Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009   Photographer
I have those dreams of film. I know it in my head, all ready. But no one to play the story.
Reply
:icondeidarasmodel:
DeidarasModel Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2009
There's no words to tell you how amazing you are at writing. <333

I wish there were.
Reply
:iconskyspinner:
skyspinner Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2009
When I read this, I was listening music on my computer, but in the middle of it, the music was all gone, all I was hearing was the two girls voices...

Don't ever stop writing.
Once you loose your dreams, you loose everything.
Reply
:iconm-gontaruk:
m-gontaruk Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2009
This piece is amazing, I cannot get it out of my head. I read it when you posted it on Twitter, so it has been a while, haha.

it is very good.
Reply
:iconsetgelbolnovsh:
setgelbolnovsh Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2009
i luuv ur writting
Reply
:iconsandypranjic:
sandypranjic Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2009   Photographer
i've read probably hundreds of books and i'm still sure you're my favourite writer.
Reply
:iconmyntchocochip:
myntchocochip Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009
This is really beautiful. It's so simple yet so moving and deep. I'll vote for you! <3
Reply
:iconsilent-lulliby:
Silent-Lulliby Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009  Student Writer
i faved earlier and didnt have a chance to leave a comment. i am still breathless after reading it over again. ♥ ♥ amazing
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:iconbrought2youby:
Brought2youby Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009   Digital Artist
chills chills chills (:
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:iconherheadacomet:
herheadacomet Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2009
That was so beautiful, it left me breathless.
Reply
:icondriptah:
Driptah Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2009
I really like everything about this, but I'd've changed the very last line. The last section is imagery, but you force-fed one fact to us. My ending would have been "and with this love heavy and all-present in the water around them, they are n(one)."

Lovely tale, descriptive of the isolation and separation-from-everyone-else that twins feel.

Kudos.
Reply
:iconjazzjam:
JazzJam Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2009
I agree on the ending - it fits the rest of the piece better without the blunt "they drown". it loses a little something having that in the ending (in my opinion)
Reply
:iconcinnamoncandy:
Cinnamoncandy Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hello! :wave:

You have been featured in my journal [link] and in this news article [link]
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:iconwith-no-emotion:
with-no-emotion Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
wow, i love this :heart: :hug: :cheerplz:
Reply
:iconayesha-may:
ayesha-may Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009
i want to be a filmmaker too. Very, very much.

(I hope you win!)
Reply
:iconcricketfantasy:
cricketfantasy Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
wow...this is just utterly amazing
literally took my breath away
the style, story, everything
i even love the title
i find this more beautiful than shakespeare ever could imagine
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:iconaponijose:
aponijose Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009
This reminds me of Virgin Suicides not because of the general connection in theme but rather the feel of it - the quietness that arms the work as a whole. To me, it's a good choice because it works well with the piece. While the silence of it has the tendency to perhaps kill the interest of jaded readers, it creates a proper atmosphere. Besides, the style is enough to keep people reading.

The vibrance of your wording is exquisite. I find some of your repetitions a bit much but you really have a lot of good moments in this piece because of your descriptions. It places readers right beside the subject where they can read the words between breaths and motions. I'm wondering if the same effects of this piece would remain had you taken a more "outsider" stance - a voyeur who cannot see the beyond the things that are touched by the sun.

I also like the general feel of nonchalance and how you were able to hold on to that despite the vivid coloring of your lyricism. Judging from the way you wrote this, there seems to be a great deal of care but also a level of urgency. That adds to the bitterness of the piece. It also adds to its beauty.
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:iconbleedingsympathy:
BleedingSympathy Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009  Student Writer
beautiful as always. you captured their love for each other, better than anyone could have. dont ever stop writing. please.
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:iconsodawitch:
sodawitch Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009
:crying:
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:iconcity-in-surrender:
city-in-surrender Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
This is so beautifully tragic that...
well, I can't put words to how it makes me feel.
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:iconfor-herself:
for-herself Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009
Thank you.
Reply
:iconbookthiefx:
BookThiefx Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009   Writer
This is tragic in a way that radiates beauty.
Reply
:iconyazz-diamond:
yazz-diamond Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2009
sorry if this offendeds you but i think you have tried to hard to make it formal and seriuos
its pretty hard to follow beaucse if it
in my opinion though

:O_o:
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